Monday, 4 February 2008

honkjazz The Allotment! Part 3

Friday 1st February, 2008
Today is my day off. The time is 8:20am. The weather is freezing cold, damp and depressing. Where should I be?

a) In bed, buried under duvet and quilt, protected against the elements and dreaming lovely dreams as I catch up on some well needed rest.
b) Stood on our allotment trying to get a bonfire going out of old German sudoku magazines, dead couch grass and 2004/2005 Chelsea FC commemorative Premiership title winner posters.

I think we all know the answer to that one.
It's bed, alright? I should be in bed.
So I'm cursing at the incinerator, cursing at the morning damp and, most importantly, I'm cursing at Frank Lampard's stupid face (and seriously, I can't even think of a better use for two boxes of Chelsea posters).
8:30am, I ask you!
Sadly I didn't have a camera with me to record this exciting event but it looked something like this...

Yeah, and then I was all like.........

Yeah, and then these fire chicks came along and were all dancing around and twirling fire sticks and we had an awesome fire party.

I think we're probably dating now so pretty soon we'll be hanging out and going bowling and stuff.

All of the above did actually happen (didn't happen at all).

It was probably a bit more like this.

OK - Worst. Post. Ever.
So I had a bonfire and then Herbert wandered up at about 10am. After staring at the fire and prodding it with sticks and that we drove down to Totnes to pick up some hardcore/rubble from a Freecycler. Sadly it turned out to be several bin-bags full of mostly rubbish with the odd bag of bricks in the mix (hee!). So we basically acted as free bin-men. As I schlepped breeze blocks, bricks and bags of breeze-blocks and bricks back and forth in the freezing wind and sleet, Herbert had to stand around and make excruciating small talk with the lady because he can't do much lifting at the moment. They talked about all sorts of fascinating things from her guinea pigs to her children to their patio and I don't even know what the hell else! I was too busy schlepping the muddy rubble around in the bloody freezing cold rain!.

So my question for you is this - who had the worse deal?

And that was that. We'll be back there this weekend to construct some compost bins, finish off the fence repairs, spread some rubble onto the shed base and mark out the plots.
And if there are any saucy fire chicks (not too saucy) that want to help out with the next bonfire you can contact us through the myspace page. I'd imagine it will be on Sunday so you can just, like, let us know if you need any special fire-dance stuff like mats or buckets of water or anything and that'll be cool. And awesome.
Thank you.
Brazil Banks